I was going to kill myself.
I had my suicide planned out. I was going to get some dry ice, it’s heavier than air, and fill my room with it, get really drunk, lay down on my bedroom floor with my cats and suffocate in my sleep.
I’d gone from having everything…
a beautiful wonderful wife, job, bought a house was going to start a family. I’d started school again to finish that engineering degree that I put on hold decades ago.
Then, my wife left..not just left but assaulted me violently, cheated, went completely berzerk. I found out later she’d stolen money from work and bet on a horse, Smarty Jones, that was a “sure thing” to win the triple crown that year. She was facing prison time.
She thought she could get enough money out of me to buy herself out of trouble, so burned through attorney after attorney. A two year marraige turned into a 4 year divorce. I was broke, well over $30k in debt to credit cards and the university. The utilities were overdue, mortgage was overdue, the bank was sending people over putting chalk marks on the door getting ready to foreclose and evict me and my cats into the street.
So, I was concerned about how I was going to be found. I started getting “funeral attire” ready. I’d mail a letter to the local police, they’d get it after I was gone. It would explain everything.
While ironing my jacket, I noticed the collar was worn. So, I put an iron-on patch on it to make it look better. The patch didn’t match the color of the jacket and really stood out. It looked like a hobo’s jacket.
That’s when I noticed how worn all my clothes were. And I realized I’d be found wearing rags. I was more ashamed of that than anything else. So, I decided to think on it for awhile…after all, did it matter if I died today, or in a few days, right? And, I still had a few bowls of homemade soup..don’t want those to go to waste?
That began the process of me assessing what I had to work with, versuse dwelling on what I had lost. I felt like, somehow, if I could just spend some time thinking things through, I’d come up with something. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but, I felt better. What was the thing that kept you alive in your lowest point in life 2024
Then, a coule of days later, the letter came. What was the thing that kept you alive in your lowest point in life 2024
It was from the Government. Not good I though, from the DoD..even worse.
I opened it thinking “Well, I was going to kill myself a few days ago, that’s still a viable option”….and read it.
It said “Dear Mr. S. We’ve found an accouting error in your pay for your service while deployed. We owe you $5000. If you would like it, please go to this website and enter your banking information”.
“IF I WOULD LIKE IT”?!?!….shit….
So, went to the website. Entered my banking info and ssn, etc. by the end of the week, the money was in my account. It got me through school long enough that by the time it ran out, the Post 9–11 GI bill had come out, and that paid the rest of the way through school. Now I’m a big shot engineer with a giant house and a fridge full of food. What was the thing that kept you alive in your lowest point in life 2024
It’s been 20 years now. I still have that jacket. I want to keep it so someday I can be buried in it.
